It seems fitting to write a blog about [female] confidence after I recently rode with a new cycling group, all of whom were men.
I was informed of a local cycling group going out on a Wednesday evening. Great – it fits with my usual training week. They have two paced chaingang rides. Even better, I can choose a smash fest if I want it. I contacted the Facebook group. Found the location. Jumped on my bike.
8 middle-aged men waiting by the pub. In conversation on my arrival. No acknowledgement from them, barely an eyeball lifted. I smiled. Feeling intimidated, embarrassed, unsure what to say. Still no acknowledgement. As soon as I showed up they turn and start to discuss the need for a slower group. Was this just my arrival? Or am I just paranoid? I went in the slower group, much to my own dismay – my confidence felt shot down. We rode 30 miles, chain gang, the pace was fine, I kept up, and yes – I even knew the road signals. They didn’t talk to me, not even my name, or what kind of cyclist I was. I waved as I departed.
I’ve been left thinking: Was this because I was a woman? Or is it just how road cyclists conduct themselves?
I put myself out of my comfort zone going there. I did not expect such a poor reception. I completely understand now why women do not participate in sport. I have fitness on my side; I can ride well with the group, sprint up the hills, and take leads on the front. Perhaps they are just men that cannot talk to women. Understandably they don’t want my life story, but surely a welcome would be nice. This is what we are fighting against.
This leads me on very well to a discussion within so many social media posts recently. Self confidence.
What does it mean to me?
Believing in yourself. Knowing that you are enough. Understanding that we are all different, from all walks of life, and will all have a unique perspective on each and every thing.
Building someone else up to believe in themselves is hard enough. We need to set realistic goals – sport or social. Small short-term targets. Longer term aims too. We need to initially give positive reassurance. Love. Affection. Verbal cues and praise. These small offerings plant those grass-roots.
Then we need to get that person to start doing the skill themselves. Instilling reflection, learning from mistakes, putting new pointers in place. Getting performance breakdowns, performance parameters and measures. Grade themselves. What level are they at now? Where would they like to be?
We can use motivational interviewing questions, coaching them to ask themselves these in-depth questions. How can they make this better? Prompt if required, but let them develop the insight and understanding themselves.
Building block by building block we develop, from a person that needs a large amount of guidance, to someone who comes for a little reassurance, to someone who can do the task individually. And then they will start to have an understanding and start looking into things themselves. They may want to learn from others, second opinions, find other forms of interest such as the internet. Then we will critique what we have found. Make our own opinions.
Re-form our goals. And build that ‘self’ and have confidence in what we are doing. To be able to reason through our decisions.
I write this, and I think of how I have come on this journey myself. Louise Barron – a coach at Birmingham University – started me on this journey. What a brilliant example Louise is, anybody that knows her will understand my passion for her ability at coaching, and at life! If I can instill anything into others, I want to instill passion and love for sport and for themselves – because that’s what I was lucky enough to be given. We can all grow in any aspect, but we will grow at our own rate, and we will need nurturing at our own rate. Just remember your own journey, reflect, and help others as best you can.
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